New Years Teacholutions

We all know that term one is a total write-off. We all know that those two long terms are just a case of getting to the Christmas holidays with only a minimal amount of thrown chairs, swears and pulled out hairs, but next term, when the students are painfully subdued by the dark and the coming realisation that their lives are as insignificant as an individual aphid in a biology diagram, there is hope for us to, perhaps, prosper as individuals. @Badheadteacher (real name I am assured, changed by deed poll no doubt) has presented a list and I, as one to never leave a bandwagon unjumped upon, are duly following suit with my own convoluted and impassioned vacuous tripe:

Resolution number one: SCREW YOU DATA

This year I solemnly swear to ignore all data that does not actually matter. I will only take note of the following things that contain numbers:
1) The Time
2) GCSE results
3) Canteen Prices

Resolution number the second: SCREW YOU PERFORMANCE MANAGEMENT

I am outstanding teacher. I have no proof of this, and I require none. If  someone asks me to prove it then I will write myself a certificate, decorate it with stars and present it to the questioner by rubbing it, quite literally, into their headface.


Resolution number three: DON'T GET FIRED

I simply cannot afford it. I will exact this by avoiding situations where i could get fired, such as lessons, and school, entirely. This should keep me safe. I will hide under the bedclothes until the bad things go away.

Bonus Resolution: I will actually teach a child something that might actually help them in later life.

like crochet knitting. Or how to read. I dunno.