We are approaching, with agonising haste, that most important part of the year for teachers: The Summer Holidays. With this true institution of teaching under threat it is a last opportunity to do those things that you have always wanted to do but never find the time. Please submit you forms in detail for your head of department to be shredded by the end of the week. If you are having difficulty then please read the below exemplars as inspiration:
1: Firework Wheelchair.
2: Build a model city, buy a dinosaur costume, pretend you're Godzilla.
3: Build a brick wall. Crash a car into it.
4: Make yourself a bubblewrap suit and roll down a hill.
5: Have a summer romance.
6: Have an evening burning incense, listening to Hotel California/Hunky Dory/Tapestry, drinking red wine and reading books by the light of a lava lamp.
7: Read one of the books on the list of longest novels. Brag about it incessantly.
8: Write a devoted and unrequited sonnet series.
9: Stage a wholly unsuccessful Guinness World Record attempt.
10: Learn an obsolete/extinct language.
11: Dress up as a superhero and make it into the local press with your exploits.
12: Enter local folklore for kidnapping gnomes and leaving ransom notes.
13: Hold a series of kitchen chemistry experiments, release the footage on youtube.
14: Run an ill-fated pop-up restaurant/shop/nightclub
15: Write a series of letters about trivial subjects to major newspapers/points of view.
16: Spend a day/a week/six weeks naked.
17: Take up an extreme sport
18: Make a terrible arthouse film and then hold an elaborate front-room premiere of the abhorrent monstrosity. Spend a great deal of time talking about your ouvre.
19: Claim conversion to a different religion every day.
20: Begin a subversive cultural movement and become its anonymous figurehead.
If you are unsure about any ideas, please send them to @calamityteacher for vetting.