Monday, 5 August 2013


My life is one of subtle tragedy and an overriding fear of the outside world. I also enjoy late night sojourns through suburbia with no agenda apart from feeling the world drift along underneath bare feet. But enough of my profile from

(Incidentally today I saw an advert for the aforementioned dating website and, with some disbelief, heard their claim that they are the most highly rated dating websites by single people and I just thought, why would i go to a website rated highly by single people. Surely I would be most attracted to a website rated highly by happily married couples who have met on Bizarre)

Today, while reading the TES (other educational papers are available, apparently.) I mused, once again, on the thought that I would be quite pleased to be one of their weekly space-filling columnists, ranting aimlessly about nothing. I quite admire some of them, but one of the things I greatly enjoy is the absolutely redutionist attitude to biography for a lot of them. For instance:

Anne Thrope (Ms) is a teacher in the North of England.


Mike Kent is a retired headteacher of a school for children aged 4-11 in England

'Why So Derivative' I hear you cry over the other voices in my head. I have no idea, but must we really label ourselves as simply teachers? Are we just a reflection of those we teach? Isn't Mike Kent's school a primary school, really, and doesn't need to be referred to as 'a school for children aged 4-11'? It is a plea to the Tes that should I ever become an edge-of-page columnist I wish to have the following printed as my bio:

Calamity Teacher is of indeterminate gender and may or may not live in England. The Teacher enjoys walking, but not in the rain, steak, but not lobster, and sport, but not football. The teacher has a morbid interest in extinct punctuation and enjoys the subtle juxtaposed ambiance created by an out-of-reach iPod on shuffle. Also the Teacher is a secondary school teacher that claims a hatred for children, despite an overriding commitment to unpaid extra-curricular activities. Most of the words in these articles have been chosen at random from those written on the bottom of rubber ducks fished with a tiny magnetic wand out of a paddling pool.

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